Let’s talk about something many families are quietly navigating: school refusal/avoidance.

If your mornings involve tummy aches, tears, or full resistance to leaving the house, please know you're not alone, and your child isn’t just being ‘difficult’ School refusal is often a sign of overwhelming emotional stress, and there’s support available.


What is School Refusal?
School refusal is more than not wanting to go to school. It can involve real distress. Kids might say they feel sick, cry at drop-off, or completely shut down. These reactions are often not conscious choices, but signs their stress response system is activated. It’s their way of saying, ‘This doesn’t feel safe right now.’


Why Does It Happen?
Every child is different, but common reasons include:

• Separation anxiety
• Social or performance anxiety
• Friendship issues or trouble fitting in
• Learning difficulties or academic pressure
• Changes or stress at home

It’s important to know that school refusal is rarely just a child issue. It is often influenced by the home environment, school culture, and even how we as adults are coping. Kids pick up on our stress and moods. What we model, they absorb.


What Can Help?
Here are some helpful strategies discussed in a webinar on school refusal by The Raising Children Network, featuring paediatrician Dr Billy Garvey:

• Acknowledge the struggle. Instead of trying to fix things right away, try: ‘I know this is hard.’
• Be their safe base. Progress might be slow, but the key is to walk alongside them and keep moving forward.
• Focus on strengths. Help your child find ways to contribute or feel valued at school. One example: Billy engaged with a student who loved art and was asked to help with school posters. It gave her a reason to feel proud and connected to the school environment.
• Teach self-awareness. Help kids learn to spot their early warning signs like a tight tummy or racing thoughts, so they can use coping strategies earlier.
• Prioritise predictability. Kids feel safer when they know what to expect, not just in routine but in how adults around them respond emotionally.
• Look after your own mental health. Children learn how to manage emotions by watching us. Modelling self-care is a powerful message. It tells them it is okay to feel anxious and to ask for help.

And remember, enjoying time with your children and needing time apart are both completely valid. Boundaries are healthy for everyone.


Seek Support
If school is becoming a daily challenge, I’d love to connect and support you and your child through it. We can work together with classroom teachers and school staff to create a gentle, tailored plan that helps your child feel safe, supported, and more confident at school.

Email: amelie.nicholson@mccg.org.au
Referral to counselling link: https://catholiccare.force.com/housing/s/school-referral-form
Webinar link: https://raisingchildren.net.au/guides/podcasts-and-webinars/webinars/school-refusal-webinar

Warmly,
Amelie Nicholson
Student and Family Counsellor